A Moment of Disbelief
by quillquate
Summary: There was a baby hitting Gilderoy Lockhart, and that was not a euphemism.
1. Chapter 1

There was a baby hitting Gilderoy Lockhart, and that was _not_ a euphemism.

Well, the "baby" was more like a scowling six-year-old, but they were pretty much the same, right?

Harry stared blankly at the scene before him. His brain was saying, _This isn't happening, look again!_ while his eyes were insisting that _No, we're looking, it's happening!_

A few minutes ago, Lockhart had been declaring to whoever would listen about Harry being his "biggest fan" and his new position as the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Then, a small child with a weird curl poking out from his chestnut hair had walked straight up to Lockhart and started smacking said man with his small hand. To the onlookers and Harry's horror, the child started screaming, "Bullshit! Pompous bastard!"

 _Who the bloody hell raised this kid?_ he wondered absentmindedly. _I never knew a single curse word until I was at least eight!_ While Lockhart was distracted, he poured the stack of books that was dumped into his hands to Ginny's cauldron. Ginny didn't even notice, instead choosing to keep on watching the scene before her.

This went on for at least ten more minutes until a tanned man came to the shop. His eyes were as green as Harry's, but that's where the similarities ended. The man was tall and looked pretty strong while Harry knew very well that he was below average regarding both height and strength. His arms were practically noodles.

"Has anyone seen Romano?" the man said upon coming in. "He's about this tall, has a curl coming out from his head-"

"Sir?" Harry called out tentatively, "Is this who you're looking for?" He gestured towards the child who was still yelling profanities at an increasingly flustered Gilderoy Lockhart. How the man didn't notice him immediately was beyond Harry's own understanding. Nevertheless, the man's eyes lit up in surprise and delight to see the (extremely) foul-mouthed kid.

" _Sí!"_ the man said, beaming. "Thank you!" He hurried over to the child and scooped him up. "Romano, I was so worried you were kidnapped again!"

The now identified Romano _(Wasn't that some type of cheese?)_ scowled. "Stupid, there's a bunch of people here, how am I going to get kidnapped? Let me down!"

Romano's guardian turned to Gilderoy Lockhart whose red face was finally starting to die down. "I'm sorry that Romano cursed at you so much. Hey, apologize!" Romano grumbled looking sideways. "Romano!"

"Fine! I'm sorry that I interrupted your stupid speech!"

"Oh, it's quite alright. Kids, right? So innocent and funny," Lockhart chuckled while Ginny whispered incredulously to Harry, " _Innocent? That kid?"_ "I am, of course, Gilderoy Lockhart. I assume that you heard of me?"

"Nope!" the man cheerfully said, oblivious to Lockhart's falling face. "I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo! And this is my cute little henchman, Lovino Romano Vargas!"

"What the hell, bastard? Why are you giving out our names to complete strangers?" Roma- er, _Lovino_ said irritably.

"It's only polite! Anyways, I'm very sorry about this," Carriedo pointedly ignored Lovino's grumbling of " _Speak for yourself, tomato bastard,"_ "Have a nice day!" With Lovino still cradled to his chest, Carriedo swept out the door from Flourish and Blotts, the door shutting behind them with a soft _click_.

"Thank God that I'll never see that plebeian and that brat again," Malfoy, who had unknowingly been standing next to him, muttered under his breath loudly enough that Harry could overhear.

And for the first time in Harry's life, he agreed with Malfoy full-heartedly.


	2. Chapter 2

Bribing Romano with tomatoes was not such a great idea. Having fed the last of them to Romano to keep him quiet (he couldn't even have any for himself!), he had started demanding for more. "Hush, people are staring," Spain told him, giving nervous smiles to the staring pedestrians. (And holy crap, what was that man _wearing?_ A pointed hat and orange and green robes with ridiculously long sleeves? Poland would have a heart attack!)

"Does this face look like I care?" Romano answered rudely.

"No, your face looks like a tomato!"

"Stupid! Let me down, let me down!"

Spain stared Romano down. "Are you going to run away?"

"..."

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

Spain checked his phone again, in which England had texted him the directions to the… was it the Foghorn Express? No, he was pretty sure it had something to do with pigs… Pigsnout? He squinted at the phone screen. "Stand in between Platform Nine and Ten, it says. Alright, easy enough." Spain did so before looking down again. "Walk into the wall. Okay, piece of cake- wait, what?"

Romano peered at the screen. "What the hell did you do to England? He really sounds like he wants you to have a concussion."

"N-nothing, I swear! The last time I pranked him was like...five months ago! And that was mainly Francis! And," he dropped his voice to a whisper, "use our human names, okay?"

"But you called me Romano right in front of humans!" Romano harshly whispered into his ear.

"Nobody will make the connection; if anyone asks, just say that your parents named you after cheese. Anyway, how do we get to Platform Nine and Three-quarters?"

"Call the tea bastard, stupid!" Spain frantically punched in the numbers, they only had eight minutes before the train left!

"Hello?"

"Arthur! What do you mean, walk into the wall?" he cried into the speaker. "'Do you have something against me? Do you really hate me that much?"

"What- no, you actually walk into the wall! There's magic that lets you pass through. And don't yell, my head is killing me!" England spoke grumpily.

"Ah, hangover?" Spain said knowingly.

"Bugger off! Now if that's all you need to know, I'm going to hang up. Have fun at Hogwarts."

 _Click._

Spain turned his head towards Romano. "Well, looks like we're walking into a wall!" he said cheerfully. And without any warning, he started running, eyes set on the wall. Romano squeaked and instinctively closed his eyes. Unsurprisingly, they crashed into it and Spain started dizzily spinning back and forth which, of course, made Romano do so as well.

"Looks like England was just messing with you," he muttered. At that moment, two boys ran past them without sparing a glance and promptly smashed their trolleys against the brick wall. After getting yelled at by a guard, the black-haired boy whispered to the other, "Why can't we get through! It's _supposed_ to work!"

The one with red-hair started scanning his surroundings. "We're going to miss the train!" he said frantically. He watched the seconds tick down on the clock. "Three...two...one… It's _gone."_

"Are you going to the Hogwarts Express too?" Spain asked, apparently recovering from the painful crash.

"Well, we _were_ but now the train is gone because of a malfunctioning wall!"

"Hey, you're the bloke from Flourish and Blotts!" the black-haired boy said, peering at them closely. "Ron, see, these are the people who I told you about!"

"That's bloody brilliant and all, Harry, but we just missed our train and we kind of have to get to Hogwarts _right now!"_ Ron said.

"Well, this is a problem," Spain said mildly, summing up the whole situation aptly.

"No shit, Sherlock!" Romano snarked.

* * *

In the end, they decided to take the flying car. Carriedo was driving as he was the only one who had a driver's license (Hey, if they were going to break rules, they might as well break as few as possible, right?), Ron in the passenger's seat, and Harry and Lovino in the back. Harry prayed silently that they would get to Hogwarts in time with little attention. He shivered at the thought of being scolded in front of the school for being late. "I didn't introduce myself to you, did I?" Carriedo said, turning around to look at Ron. "I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, and this is Lovino Romano Vargas!"

"I'm Ron Weasley, and this is Harry Potter," Ron said. Harry waited for some sort of reaction, maybe along the lines of: "Oh my gosh, Harry Potter? The savior of the wizarding world?" Harry was then pleasantly surprised when Carriedo only nodded, smiling.

Suddenly, Harry saw a flicker of scarlet from the corner of his eye. "There's the train, we need to follow it!" he shouted over the roar of the wind.

"Alright, follow the red snake thing, I can do that!" Carriedo replied, sounding way too cheerful for someone in a dire situation.

After many hours, their legs were starting to cramp up, and (horrors of horrors!) Lovino started complaining.

Loudly.

"When are we going to get there? It's been like five hours!" he whined, kicking the front seat.

"Don't do that, Romano," Carriedo said absent-mindedly.

"Why do you call your son by his middle name?" Ron asked curiously.

There was a beat of silence before Lovino started going red. "That tomato bastard isn't my dad!" he shrieked, Harry nearly going deaf next to him.

"I'm just his guardian," Carriedo told them, looking slightly depressed by Lovino's violent reaction. "And Romano sounds better than Lovino, but they're both so cute!" he cooed happily a few seconds after.

"Stupid," the child muttered, sounding embarrassed.

 _Is he bipolar?_ Harry wondered, not really knowing which person he was talking about. Maybe they were both crazy.

"Sorry," Ron apologized. "I just thought, you know, uh-"

"Whatever," Lovino said, turning around to look at the clouds.

The peaceful silence continued for another hour until there was a loud clunk and a splutter coming from the car. Carriedo said nervously, "I'm pretty sure that's not a good sign." Ron gulped as Harry started to pale. Lovino looked like he was close to tears.

The engine completely died.

"AAHHHH!" they screamed in unison as the car started free-falling. Lovino, oddly enough, yelled, "SAVE ME, SPAAAIN!" Ron pulled out his wand and started hitting the dashboard in hopes of it starting up again and wailed when it didn't.

They crashed into a foliage of green. Luckily, it didn't seem like anyone had any broken bones or of some sort. Harry sighed in relief. "Thank G0d-" Just then, something slammed against the side of the car, making them spiral into the air. He caught the glimpse of a leafy branch waving back and forth menacingly.

"Where is it, where is it…" He heard Carriedo mumbling before pulling out a wand. "Aha! What was the spell? Ah, _Petrificus Totalus!"_ The tree which had been attacking them stopped moving. "Are you all alright?"

"I think so," Harry responded. When he didn't hear immediate whining, he looked around and said, "Where's Lovino?" At that, the Spanish man froze.

"Romano?"

There was no reply.


	3. Chapter 3

The three had made their way to Hogwarts after searching for Lovino for thirty minutes. Carriedo was shuffling slowly, his head down. His previous cheerful exterior was now solemn and glum. "I'm sure Lovino will turn up somewhere!" Harry said, trying to cheer him up. "He couldn't have gotten that far!"

"Yeah," Ron chipped in. "And Dumbledore could probably find him with a tracking spell or something."

"You think?" Carriedo said, looking up. The two boys nodded eagerly. "Alright, what're we waiting around for? Let's go to Hogwarts!" With that, the man started dashing away, leaving dust in his wake.

"Blimey," Ron said in awe.

"We better go on and catch up," Harry said. "Get ready to run."

By the time they reached the oak doors, Carriedo was already there, tapping his foot impatiently. As soon as he spotted them, he started waving his arms around frantically. "Come on!" he hollered. "Hurry up!"

"Acts like a little kid, doesn't he?" Ron mumbled under his breath. "How old is he? He looks too old to be a seventh-year, or maybe he just looks older than he actually is?" Harry paused. He never actually thought about why Carriedo was at Hogwarts. Harry resolved to ask Carriedo about it later when this whole fiasco was over. Muscles aching, they trudged through the doors and peeked in the Great Hall.

"Hey, it's the Sorting!" Ron whispered to Harry.

"What's that?" Carriedo asked.

"It's where you get Sorted into four different Houses according to what your personality is like." Harry replied. "Didn't you know?"

"That sounds like a recipe for disaster," Carriedo mumbled under his breath. Louder, he said, "Do we just go in?"

"Shh!" Ron hissed. "Wait a second, isn't there a teacher missing at the High Table?"

"Where's Snape?" Harry asked quietly. "His spot is empty."

"Who's that?"

"Snape? He's the professor for Potions. He doesn't like anyone, he hates us Gryffindors most of all. And he's always showing favoritism to Slytherin, ugh. He especially hates Harry for whatever reason. Honestly, he's an insufferable git."

Carriedo shook his head. "No, I mean, _who's that?"_ he repeated, pointing his finger behind them. They tore their eyes away from the High Table, dread seeping into their hearts.

There, right behind them, was Snape.

"Well, well, well," Snape sneered. He looked the same as ever, with greasy black hair and a pointed nose. His black robes billowed behind him from the breeze, a cold smile fixed into his sallow face. "Who do we have here?"

"I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, nice to meet you!" Carriedo beamed, oblivious to the unfriendly aura practically radiating from the Potion's professor.

"Ah, yes," Snape said distastefully. "The new History of Magic teacher. I did not think that I would meet you in such… unsavoury circumstances. Coming to Hogwarts late, snooping around with troublemakers… Yes, not a very good first impression, I assure you." Carriedo's smile faltered.

"You're our _professor?"_ Ron blurted out. Ron then looked horrified, clamping his hands over his mouth as Snape redirected his icy glare to him.

"Yeah," Carriedo said bashfully, scratching the back of his head. "Forget to tell you guys, didn't I?"

" _Yes!"_ they cried in unison.

"This is quite amusing to watch and all, but I'm afraid that you will have to come with me," Snape interrupted. "Follow me." He led them right past the oak doors and into the dungeons. When they stopped in front of what they recognized as Snape's office, he barked out, "In!"

He closed the door behind them and sat down on a ragged chair. "So," Snape said softly, "the train isn't good enough for the famous Harry Potter and his faithful sidekick Weasley. Wanted to arrive with a bang, did we, boys?"

"No, the barrier- it wasn't working, we couldn't get through-!"

"Silence! Do you understand what you have _done?"_ he said, cold rage bubbling in his voice. He pushed an issue of a Muggle newspaper _._ With dawning horror, Harry understood exactly what Snape was telling them. "You were seen! By Muggles!"

"I-I didn't mean to-"

"Just because you are the Boy-Who-Lived doesn't mean you don't have any rules to keep. Also! The Whomping Willow, I noticed that it is frozen. Care to explain?"

"That was my fault," Carriedo confessed. "I cast a _Petrificus Totalus_ on it. It was attacking us, and-"

Snape sneered. "Well, maybe if you bothered coming the proper way-"

Ron yelled indignantly, "We would have if the barrier wasn't glitching up!"

"Silence! Unfortunately, I cannot decide your expulsion as I am not your Head of the House. I shall go fetch the people who _do_ have that power. Wait here, do not move." With that, Snape swept out of the room, the sound of the door slamming shut ringing ominously.

No more than ten minutes later, he swept back in with Professor McGonagall in tow. She regarded them with her lips pressed thinly against each other. "Explain."

Ron launched into the story, trying to spit the words out as quickly as he could. "-so we had no choice, Professor, we couldn't get on the train."

"Why didn't you send us an owl, I am aware that you had Hedwig on you at the time?"

Harry gaped. Now that it was pointed out, it seemed like an obvious thing to do. "Well, I didn't think-"

"That," she said, "is quite obvious." A knock sounded on the door and Snape opened the door.

The Headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore, stepped into the room.

* * *

Ron let out a loud gust of air. "I thought we were going to get expelled!" he said.

"So did I."

"Oh no!" Carriedo let out in a cry of distress. The two boys looked at him in concern, only to see him staring at the tomato in his sandwich. "I forgot to ask about Romano! How could I forget?" He dropped the sandwich that he had been holding and leapt to his feet. "Maybe I can still catch up to Dumbledore!" He threw the door open and dashed down the hallway. Harry and Ron stared blankly after him.

This was turning out to be a regular occurrence

* * *

Spain rushed down, thoughts spiraling around in his head. _How could I forget about Romano?_ he said in despair. _I'm such a horrible Nation!_ Urging himself to run faster, Spain caught the sight of robes vanishing behind a corner. "Wait!"

Dumbledore's face came into view. "Yes?" he said politely. "Is there anything you need?"

"Did you see a boy with dark-brown hair and a curl coming out from the side?"

"What an odd description," Dumbledore mused, his eyes twinkling. "You said a curl coming out from the side? No, I do not believe I have seen such a child. However, let me assist in your search,"

"Oh, _gracias!"_ Spain said fervently.

"It is quite alright," Dumbledore said kindly. "I hope we find your child soon."

"I'm not his parent, just his guardian."

"Ah, but one does not have to be related to be family. In my years, I have seen families of bond tighter than those of blood." Spain gaped at the wizened man (of course, he was older, but never mind that!), startled by the wise words coming out from Dumbledore's mouth. "Please ignore the ramblings of an old man. Anyways, I believe that there is some commotion in the Great Hall. Perhaps we should start there?"

Spain followed Dumbledore in where Harry and Ron had been peeking in an hour ago. He was taken aback by the scene before him, there was a bountiful amount of food on long tables with many students at each of the four. Golden chandeliers hung on the ceiling which looked like the night sky. Scattered about were pearly white figures that seemed to be transparent. _Ghosts? America would have run away screaming like he was about to be force-fed England's food._

Spain abandoned that train of thought when he heard a familiar voice yelling at the top of their lungs. _Oh God, no. It's only the first day!_ he thought. He closed his eyes for a second and willed for the noise to go away.

Sadly, it didn't work.


	4. Chapter 4

Hermione Granger was understandably surprised when an unfamiliar voice started screaming outside Hogwarts right before the feast was about to professors at the High Table stood up and all walked to the doors. (Except Professor Lockhart, he seemed very interested in the pumpkin juice in his hand.) The shrieking ceased when the professors seemingly met with the owner of the voice. It was absolutely quiet in the Great Hall since nobody wanted to miss anything, so she was able to pick up what they were saying.

"Where are your parents?" Professor Snape's voice rang out. "Are you lost?"

The next sentence shocked Hermione. "Go away, you bastard!" At this, titters broke out in the Great Hall.

"Why, I never!" she heard Professor McGonagall gasp. "Apologize at once, young man!"

"Can't make me!" a childish voice replied.

"I believe that we should… escort this boy back to where he belongs," Professor Snape said. There was a rustle of clothes and a yelp coming from the unknown person. He entered back into the Great Hall while carrying a young boy like a kitten. He looked to be around six with a curious curl coming out of his head.

"Stop it!" he whined. "I'm not a little kid!"

"By the way you're acting, I think you are," Professor McGonagall said stiffly. "I do believe that you owe Severus an apology." She fixed him with a stern glare, her lips thinning. Professor Snape looked on as well, staring daggers at the boy. _He's probably annoyed that he has to deal with such a young child,_ Hermione thought. _He can barely deal with first years as it is!_

Under the pressure of the two professors' glares, the boy started to quiver and tears started welling up. Knowing what was going to happen next from babysitting children, Hermione clapped her hands against her ears, urging her fellow Gryffindors to do the same. She was glad she did this when the boy finally screamed, "ANTONIOOO!" _Please, someone shut him up!_ she pleaded internally.

Her prayers were answered when the doors once again burst open and a young man ran in. He paused and looked around in awe before redirecting his attention. "Romano!" he cried, scooping up the child. "I was so worried that you were hurt!" Loud protests were heard from him -Romano, was it?. Dumbledore also walked in, his eyes twinkling as usual.

Her jaw fell open when Harry and Ron (those stupid boys!) followed in a couple of minutes later. She waved them over frantically. When they reached her, she pinched them on the arms. "Why are you so late!" she hissed. "The feast is already over!"

"Oh, well, you know. Flying cars, trees that seem like they're from the Wizard of Oz, crashing, all that delightful stuff," Harry replied sarcastically. "But let's forget about all that, how are you?"

"Harry!" she snapped.

Ron cleared his throat. "What he means to say is we'll tell you later."

"Fine!" Hermione huffed. "Be that way!"

"'Mione, don't be mad!" Ron said. "I promise, we'll fill you in on everything tomorrow at breakfast,"

"Alright," she said slowly. "Oh, look! We're heading to our dormitories!"

"Looks like Professor Carriedo found Lovino," Harry said, noticing the bawling kid who was being comforted by the man.

"Lovino? I thought his name was Romano?" she remarked as they marched their way to the Gryffindor Tower.

"That's his middle name, at least that's what he told us."

"Wait, Professor? Of what?"

"Of course that's what you focus on," Ron muttered. "Apparently, Binns decided to take a vacation of some sort. He's our new History of Magic professor."

"Isn't he too young? Are you sure he isn't an assistant professor of some sort? Oh, we're here. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we'll meet you at breakfast," Harry said. "Bye." Ron gave a half-hearted wave as well. Hermione nodded and spun around.

 _This is the oddest first day of Hogwarts I'd ever had,_ Hermione decided.

* * *

The next time that Harry saw Carriedo was during History of Magic. Binns was still there, idly floating next to him. The ghost cleared his throat. "Since I am a ghost - yes, I realized that a long time ago, I _am_ a professor after all - Dumbledore has been kind enough to give me an assistant that can help me in areas that I cannot, such as picking up papers and grading them. This means that you will not be able to hand in the same essay every single time _and I am looking at you, Mr. Weasley._ "

"See?" Hermione furiously whispered to Harry. "I _told_ you that he was too young to be a full-time professor!" With that statement, she turned back around with a huff of satisfaction. Then, the rest of Binns' sentence caught up to her and she whirled around to Ron. "Ronald Weasley, tell me you didn't actually keep on handing the same essay over and over!"

"Then I won't say anything at all," Ron said. Hermione let out an odd sound that Harry had never heard before.

"...Anyways, this is Professor Carriedo. Please give him a warm welcome." As they did so (boredly, however, the girls seemed a little more interested), Harry couldn't help but notice the red marks covering Carriedo's hair. Had no one really noticed that? He raised his hand.

"Professor Carriedo?" he called.

"No need to call me that, just call me Antonio, makes me feel older."

"Why do you have that red...gunk in your hair?"

"Is it blood?" a girl said fearfully, shrinking back.

"No, no!" Carri- _Antonio_ said. "It's just tomatoes. Well, they _were_ tomatoes. And before you ask what happened," he added when he saw Harry's hand rise up again, "it wasn't anything worth noting."

Harry could've sworn that he heard a snicker at that moment, but dismissed it as part of his imagination. _How odd._ It seemed like Antonio was just full of mysteries.

* * *

Romano, no matter what anyone said, was not lost.

He was just… taking time to enjoy the paintings, that's all!

"Little boy, are you lost?" a voice spoke suddenly. Romano yelped and pedaled backwards. He stared at the painting. _What the hell is going on?_ "Little boy?"

"I'm not little!" he snapped instinctively. "What the hell are you?"

The woman in the painting shifted. "How rude!" she exclaimed. "Back in my day, children were always cordial. Each generation is getting worse, I swear. And you _are_ little, you know. After all, you're just a little tot!"

" _Excuse me?"_ he said in disbelief. He was probably way older than this lady! He was over a thousand years old! Then again, he was stuck in the body of a six-year-old. Involuntarily, he might add. _Damn England,_ he sulked inwardly. _Damn him and his stupid fairy powers._

* * *

 _One month ago_

"Hey, tomato bastard!" Romano called out. "What the hell is this?"

The two had decided to go snooping around in England's house. They had been invited along with several other Nations for a tea party. Unsurprisingly, someone had brought alcohol and to keep it short, the tea party turned into a drinking contest. Even he was a little buzzed. Which probably explained why he thought it was a good idea to look around England's basement.

Everybody knew that you _never_ explore someone's basement, no matter what.

"It looks like _*hic*_ alcohol!" Spain cried out drunkenly, his cheeks flushed. "Maybe it's England's special brand!"

Romano put it far away from his face as possible. "Made by England. Probably tastes like crap, then."

"Probably," Spain agreed. "but not definitely. Here, why don't you try it!" He swiped the bottle away from Romano's hand and popped off the cork before jamming it into his mouth. "Does it taste good?"

"Mmph!" Romano protested.

"Oh," Spain said, looking at the bottle thoughtfully. "Maybe I should take this out of your mouth."

"No duh!" he spat out. "And I was right, it _does_ taste like crap! I feel like I'm going to throw up!" There was an unpleasant tingling sensation in his stomach and his bones felt like they were being squeezed together. "Ow!" A sudden pop was heard and smoke filled the room. "The hell?"

"Romano, you're tiny again!" said Spain with a dumb smile.

"What?!" Romano shouted, his voice seeming squeakier than before.

"You can check your reflection here in this conveniently placed mirror that definitely wasn't here before!"

Lo and behold, Spain was right. He had shrunken down to around four feet, his clothes hanging limply on his small frame. "...How?" he said faintly. _It must've been England's crap potions!_ he realized. _I just ingested something England made! No wonder I shrunk!_

"Hey!" England's voice floated down from upstairs, apparently having sobered up. "What on earth are you two doing?"

"We have a bit of a _*hic*_ dilemma! Ooh, is that a green bunny?" Loud footsteps clattered down the stairs. Dust flew up each time he went down a step. Finally, England arrived.

"Were you messing around with my- bloody hell, you're a child!"

"No, _really?_ Tell me how to get back to normal, tea bastard!"

"Oh, um, well…" England stuttered uncharacteristically, flustered. "Judging by the bottle that you drank from and where it came from, that was one of the potions I experimented with. Which means… I don't know how to fix this, I'm terribly sorry! Oh, but I know who can!" he hastily said when he saw Romano's darkening face. "You know about magic, right?"

"Yeah, every nation does," he snorted. "We all have magical communities, you know."

"Well, Antarctica doesn't have one," England said defensively. "Anyways, Hogwarts has an extraordinary healer and a great deal of books. Albus Dumbledore, one of the greatest wizards of our time, also resides there. I'm sure you'll be able to find something."

"Guess I'll start there, but you're paying for the transportation costs! This is all your fault!"

"Now, now! Calm down, at least there's a bright side to this!" Spain suddenly chirped up. "You're cute and tiny again!"

"Shut the hell up!"

"Let's go to Pig Pimples together!"

"It's Hogwarts, stupid! And who said you were coming with me?" Romano found himself victim to Spain's puppy-eyes. "What- argh, fine!"

"Yay! Let's go see the Wizard of Oz!" he cheered, spinning around. He frowned. "Uh oh. I'm going to crash."

And so he did, taking down many bookshelves with him as Spain fell. Romano slowly looked up at England whose face was quickly become redder by the second. He backed away slowly before running for his life, screaming loudly. "Get back here!" England screeched wildly.

"You'll never take me alive, _bastardo!"_ he shot back, stepping on Spain's head in his haste. The said man just mumbled a little and flopped over. " _Ciao!"_

" _ROMANO! GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE!"_


	5. Chapter 5

"Today, we shall be going over the Goblin Rebellions," Binns drawled. The rest of the class groaned in unison. Next to him, Ron mouthed " _Again?"_ incredulously.

"But, professor!" Hermione cried out in dismay. "You already went over that last year!"

He peered at her over the frame of his glasses. "Miss Granger, there is no such thing as not knowing enough about a topic," he said mildly.

"Are you kidding me?" Seamus Finnigan muttered under his breath. "That was probably the _only_ thing we learned last year!"

Antonio frowned. He looked up nervously at Binns who was sifting through his notes before looking back down. It looked like he was having some kind of internal debate. Finally, he cleared his throat and said, "In all due respect, Señor Binns, maybe the students want a little bit of… diversity in their lessons?" Antonio suggested. "I do know some history I can teach."

Harry held his breath hopefully. _Please let Binns agree!_ he thought pleadingly. _Anything's better than going over the Goblin Rebellions again!_ Binns thoughtfully stared off to who knows where (although it was hard to tell since Binns was almost invisible because of the bright lights) before saying, "Very well. I suppose that it wouldn't hurt."

 _Score!_ Harry cheered mentally. Ron did a fist-pump under the table while mouthing thankful prayers.

"So! I'm not too sure about Britain magical history," Antonio began, catching Harry's attention. "But I do know a lot about Spain! Way back when, there was a witch called Dumbledora Cairde Millicent-Anne Merite. "

"Like Dumbledore?" a random student piped up.

He nodded seriously. "Who do you think he was named after?"

"I reckoned that his father found it on a name generator from the Internet," Dean Thomas admitted sheepishly. "That's how my mother came up with the names for my half-siblings after she got tired of thinking 'em up."

"Name generator?" Ron wondered. "Is that some type of Muggle device for naming babies? Mom should've used one, I mean, _Ginevra_ and _Percival?_ Merlin, I pity them so much."

"Anyways, she had a magical familiar by the name of Socks, it was an ape if I remember correctly," Antonio said. "Had a nasty temper, tried to bite my head off before. One day, the two were off adventuring, as her mother disowned her as Dumbledora was very unruly, and they found an old scroll stuck to a branch. They took it out and it turned out to be a treasure map to find a very rare type of wand core."

"What was it?" Hermione asked.

Antonio regarded her seriously. "The vocal chords of a mandrake."

"...What?" she said flatly.

"Just kidding! That would be near impossible without getting deaf. It was actually the wing powder of a fae. This is really hard to get since they're tiny and almost no fae wants to be crippled of their wings. The only way you can actually get them is if you gain favor of a fae or you kill one. In this case, however, there was an old fae that wanted to go out with a bang, I suppose. So she left behind her wings as a treasure to make others go mad trying to find them."

"Um, sir?" someone said timidly. "Is this actually true?"

"Of course not, that would be absurd," Antonio said serenely. "Now that someone pointed that out, let's get to the actual material."

 _This bloke is an utter troll,_ Harry thought in disbelief. _I wouldn't be surprised if he got along with the Weasley twins._

* * *

"He is so… _ugh!"_ Hermione said, clenching her fists.

"Well, he did teach us some stuff on Spain in the last twenty minutes of class," Harry said reasonably. "Even if it was only about the relationship between Spain and South Italy. What's up with that? There's only one Italy, I thought…" he trailed off.

"I suppose, but he really ought to take teaching more seriously! I would go mad if I failed the History of Magic's OWL because of incompetence!"

"Woah, woah, slow down! The OWLs are at the end of the year! We barely started second year!" Ron said, holding his hands up. "Besides, you're the only one who actually studies seriously in Gryffindor; almost everyone just crams it in before a test! Sometimes it makes me wonder why you weren't Sorted into Ravenclaw. You know, you're more into books and stuff instead of adventures like normal Gryffindors."

Hermione fixed a fierce glare at Ron. "Are you saying that I shouldn't be in Gryffindor?" she demanded angrily.

"Well, you got to admit, bravery isn't one of your big traits," Ron said nervously. Harry could only stare in horror, it was like watching a train wreck without being able to prevent it. _There is no way that this is going to turn out well._ He was proven right when Hermione stormed ahead with tears forming in her eyes.

"Well, that escalated quickly. Ron, can't you be a little more…you know," Harry said delicately, "careful as to what you say? You know Hermione's a little sensitive."

"Well, she shouldn't be!" Ron blustered. Harry only sighed and picked up his pace. "Hey, wait up!"

* * *

Lovino was walking around aimlessly, peeking in wherever there was a door. The stupid paintings refused to tell him where he was, claiming that he was "too rude." Sure, he wasn't an angel like Veneziano, but it was their fault for calling him little! Lovino huffed angrily just at the thought of the conversation. Immersed in his thoughts, he didn't notice a girl running towards him until he was rammed.

"Watch it!" said Lovino grumpily before taking a proper look at her face. "Are you crying?"

To his horror, this only encouraged her to let out a sob. "Oh, um, ah," Lovino fumbled. He managed to produce a tissue from his pocket. He shoved it in front of her face. "Here."

"Thank you," she said. "You're such a sweet little boy."

"I'm not little!" _What was her name, Herman? No, maybe Hermioninny? Something like that._ "So? What're you crying about?"

"Oh, I know it's a really stupid thing to be upset about, but I just can't help it and-" She took in a deep breath and swiped her hand across her eyes. "Ron said that I wasn't fit to be a Gryffindor and I _know_ that I like books more than going off and being a hero. But still…"

"Believe me, you don't want to be a hero," Lovino said seriously. "Not actively, anyways."

"Why would you say that?"

"Heroes are loud and annoying," he said bluntly. "Not to mention loud. Oh, I'm sorry, did I forget to mention that they're _loud?"_

"Personal experience?" the bushy-haired girl asked knowingly. Lovino shivered.

* * *

Far away, America suddenly stopped in the middle of his speech at the White House to sneeze explosively. "I think somebody's talking about me!" he said excitedly.

"Nothing good, I'm sure," the President said dryly.

* * *

"Anyways, don't let him get you down. Just remember that brats are brats." Lovino continued. "Especially male brats."

"Technically, I'm a "brat" too," she mumbled.

"But you've got a good head on your shoulders," Lovino countered. "Anyways, since I'm crap at this comforting stuff -don't cover your ears, it's just a swear!- I'll just stop here. Did you see Spa- er, the Spanish guy?"

"He's still in the classroom, it's right over there. Thank you, I think I feel better now," she said gratefully.

"Yeah, whatever. Just don't think that I'm going to do this every time you have a problem. Ciao!"

"Have a nice day!" the girl called as she started heading back from where she came from. Lovino gave a half-hearted wave before coming to a sudden realization that he _still_ didn't know her name.

Goddammit.


	6. Chapter 6

Madam Pomfrey thought that she saw many odd things in her life. This case was not the oddest (no, that would be the time when some reckless student tried to "swim with the mermaids" and had gotten their hair shaved as a result), but it was up there. The not-so-little-boy stared at her impatiently. "Well?" Lovino asked after she had cast the diagnosis spell. "Can you fix it? Believe me, this is beyond troublesome."

"Of course I can!" she said, slightly offended. "I'm one of the best medi-witches out there! Come back around tomorrow, I'll have the counter potion whipped up by then. Who did you say made this "de-aging" potion again?"

"One Arthur Kirkland," said the Spanish man, Antonio. He smiled sheepishly at her. "At least we know not to drink anything made by him now?"

"We _did_ know," Lovino said furiously. " _You_ were the one who made me drink it even though you knew nothing good would come out of it!"

"I was drunk!" Antonio protested weakly.

"I am _never_ going to go to England's tea parties ever again," Lovino muttered. _What a strangely worded sentence,_ Madam Pomfrey thought absentmindedly before the "boy" spoke up again. "You're sleeping outside just for that."

Antonio looked slightly exasperated. "Lovi, it's _my_ house," he said gently. "You legally can't do that."

"Who cares about legalities? The mafia can get anything done,"

"As fascinating as this conversation is, I think that you two should leave, I have patients I need to tend to," Madam Pomfrey cut in. She glared pointedly at a boy who was trying to sneak out of the infirmary. He gave a little squeak in surprise before glumly marching back to bed. She sighed.

"Sorry for taking up so much of your time, _señora_ ," Antonio said. "Let's go, I think it's still dinner."

* * *

Defense Against the Dark Arts, in Ron's humble opinion, was absolute rubbish. _Honestly,_ he thought, _who lets loose Cornish Pixies in classroom, for Merlin's sake!_ It had been utter mayhem, with students getting their hair yanked and small objects being hurled around. He had a small bruise on his head where he had gotten hit by a jar of ink (which was thankfully empty). How on earth did Hermione still worship the very ground Lockhart walked on when it was clear to see that he was an utter fraud? This was what he was thinking about while he and Hermione were walking around aimlessly.

"Hey!" Hermione said suddenly.

"Hay is for horses," Ron said automatically.

"Oh, shush, Ronald. Can't you be more mature? Look, I think there's something going on at the Quidditch pitch!" True to her words, he could make out the Gryffindor and Slytherin Quidditch teams facing off. As they got closer, he could see that Wood's face was turning bright red as he shouted angrily at Flint (that slimy Slytherin!) who had a smug smirk on.

"What's going on, mate?" Ron asked Harry who was fuming silently.

"Malfoy's father bought the entire Slytherin Quidditch team Nimbus Two-Thousand and One broomsticks!" the Boy-Who-Lived hissed. Ron gaped at the broomsticks gleaming in the sunlight.

"At least no one on Gryffindor bought their way in! They actually have talent!" he heard Hermione say. At this, the Slytherins' faces turned dark.

"Are you insinuating something, Granger?" Flint said dangerously.

"You're only a filthy Mudblood, Granger! Know your place!" Malfoy said with his nose stuck up in the air. Ron's blood boiled at that, he could see that the others were also enraged.

"Take that back, you git!" he hollered. A full out brawl began, with punches and spells flying through the air. He lifted up his wand to send a hex of his own, but a voice boomed loudly.

"What's going on here?!" Antonio crossed the grassy field with long strides with Lovino on his shoulders. His face was thunderous, Ron practically wilted.

"Sir, these _Gryffindors,_ " spat out Malfoy, "are ruining our practice time! We were just telling them that we got permission from Professor Snape, my godfather, to practice Quidditch today on the field!"

"He's lying, that bastard!" Alicia cried out indignantly. Antonio gave a sharp look at her outburst. Ron could feel his heart sinking. _Is he going to side with the Slytherins?_ he thought in despair. His hopes lifted up again when Antonio said, "I'm very well aware of that, Miss Spinnet. Draco, Marcus, Harry, Ron, Miss Granger, please follow me."

"Wait, what? I didn't do anything!" Ron protested.

"I saw you about to cast a hex, Ron." Ron said no more and meekly followed the Spanish man. They all trooped into the castle and up some stairs until they reached what seemed to be his office. "Don't touch anything."

"May we touch the floor?" Flint said sarcastically.

"What, are you stupid?" Lovino said up from his perch. "Did you plan to float in the air like a inflated balloon or something?" Flint flushed angrily but didn't say anything. Ron and Harry exchanged looks of glee at the humiliation Flint got. _And by a six year old, no less!_

"Alright then. Miss Granger, could you tell us a hopefully unbiased story of what happened?"

* * *

"You may go, Miss Granger," Spain said after Hermione finished retelling what happened at the Quidditch field. She hurried out the room. He looked at the shamed faces of Harry and Ron, and the indifferent ones of Marcus and Draco. "You all will have detention with me this evening. You can help me with unpacking." They all nodded, probably relieved that they only had to do a small task.

Except Draco, of course.

"But I didn't do anything wrong! That stupid Mudblood was making everything up!"

"Oh, you _had_ to dig yourself in deeper, didn't you?" Romano muttered. Antonio brushed off the comment easily while saying, "Just for saying that, I could give you another detention."

"For what?" the clearly idiotic, prissy, stuck up, etc. boy demanded.

"For you not shutting the hole you call your mouth," Spain said, unperturbed.

Draco shut up.

" _Gracias, que inarticulados torpe tonto_. Report to me after dinner."

* * *

 _Thank God it wasn't detention with Lockhart,_ Harry thought. Imagine how that would turn out! It would probably be writing letters to Lockhart's fanclub! He chuckled at that thought.

"What're you thinking about, mate?" Ron asked curiously.

"Oh, nothing," Harry replied airily. "Look, there's his office." To his displeasure, Flint and Malfoy was already there. At least Flint was somewhat civil to him outside Quidditch-related matters, Malfoy on the other hand was always a whining git.

Antonio smiled warmly at them when they stepped in. "Oh, you're here! Let's head off to my room, that's where all my stuff is, you know."

Antonio's room was, to be brutally honest, a dumpster. There were important looking documents scattered all over the place (was that a tomato stain on that one?) and the occasional sock littering the floor. "Romano, I told you to clean up, not make it worse!" Antonio said.

"It's not my fault that my hands keep on twitching!" Lovino said grumpily. "Besides, I'm not your damn maid anymore!" _Aren't maids female?_

Malfoy said loudly, "My father would never approve of _my_ chambers looking like this."

"Good thing I don't give a crap about what your father thinks, right?" Antonio smiled. He pointed to a stack of boxes which looked like they would fall over any second. "There they are. Unpack them and if it wouldn't be too much trouble, can you put the papers in a pile? It would make my life easier."

* * *

Harry carefully peeled off the tape on yet another box when he found it. A photograph in black and white featuring what looked like to be Lovino pulling tomatoes off of plants. _Is Antonio… a stalker?_ "Hey, Ron!" he whispered to the red-head. "Look at this!"

Ron peered over his shoulder. "Huh, looks like he's farming or something. Hey, there's something on the bottom left corner. What does it say?"

Harry took off his glasses and squinted at the tiny writing. "Um… I think they're numbers. One, eight, two, four, is this the year it was taken?"

"But that's not possible! That's more than a century!"

"It's probably just Lovino's grandfather or something," Harry said dismissively.

"Maybe," Ron said, not looking fully convinced. " _I_ say that it's a conspiracy."

"Really," he said flatly. "I suppose that Lovino is an immortal being that strikes people down with tomatoes." Ron just pouted. "Don't do that, you look disturbingly like a girl." Ron hastily fixed is expression until he looked slightly constipated. "You know what, never mind."

Harry dug through more of the boxes, lifting up and setting things aside on the ground carefully. He grunted as he pulled out a stack of books. _My arms feel like they're going to fall off. That wouldn't be a pretty picture._ After about thirty minutes, the room still looked like a junkyard. Lovino was making it worse by trying to "clean" it. For a supposed maid, he wasn't doing very well.

"At least all the boxes are opened," Antonio said optimistically. "Why do you guys look so sad?"

"Being in close quarters with Gryffindorks and irritatingly cheerful people isn't helping with my mood," Malfoy muttered darkly.

"It's okay! I have the perfect cheering charm to make everybody happy!"

Harry instinctively took a step back. He had heard about a girl who had gotten hit by a Cheering charm and acted like a drunk squirrel on crack for an entire _week._ Apparently, her roommates had been driven mad by her loud humming during the night and the teachers gave the girl multiple detentions. He did not want to be in that position.

Antonio lifted up his arms and waggled his fingers. "Fusosososo~! Fusosososo~! Fusosososo~!" he chanted. Harry almost swore that he saw sparkles emitting from the man. "Fusoso- Why did you hit me, Romano?"

"Because you're wasting valuable air by speaking," Lovino said haughtily. Harry took the chance to sneak out of the room with Ron and flee to their dorms.

* * *

"That wasn't as bad as I expected," Ron commented. "It could've been worse,"

"I guess," Harry said grudgingly. He paused when his ears caught a faint whispering. "Shh! I hear something," Ron stopped and looked both ways, trying to hear it too. _Kill,_ the voice hissed. _Food, I want food. Stone, I cannot eat. Useless!_ "Did you hear?" Harry asked breathlessly.

"No, are you pulling my tail?"

"No!" Harry relayed what he heard to Ron.

"Blimey! Who could've it been?" They resumed walking and turned the corner. They gasped out loud in surprise. "What the bloody hell is that?" Mrs. Norris, Filch's cat, was hanging by her tail on a torch bracket. Her entire body was stiff and her yellow eyes stared blankly at them. It was quite creepy, to be honest. But what was written on the wall gave them shivers and made their faces pale.

 **The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the Heir, beware.**

"Oh no," Harry whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

So apparently, it wasn't only England's potions that tasted like crap. It turned out in that in Britain, _all_ potions tasted like crap. They might go on and on about how it was unavoidable, but Romano called bullshit on that. _His_ magical community actually had potions that were rated five-stars!

Then again, most of them were pasta-flavored, so that might have something to do with it. Honestly, he didn't know what Veneziano was thinking when he came up with that. At least Romano was back to his normal age, that was definitely a plus. Even though he had to wait an additional week for the potion because of the "Chamber of Secrets" crap. He stood up, only to wobble around and crash to the floor. "Goddammit, do I have to relearn how to walk or something?!"

"Perhaps," Madam Pomfrey said vaguely. Romano let out a string of curses - and not the magical kind.

"Well, we can finally get out of this school, right? All these stupid kids running around are giving me a headache."

"Actually…" Spain started, looking mildly uncomfortable.

"What? Spit it out quick, I want to get out of here as soon as possible," he demanded.

" _Wekindofhavetostayuntiltheendoftheyearbecauseofmyteachingcontract,"_ Spain said quickly, but not quickly enough for Romano not to understand.

"I…can't even, _why_ would you sign something like that!"

"I couldn't resist! The Headmaster tricked me!" Spain protested weakly, putting his hands up in surrender. _Oh, like that's going to be enough to save you,_ Romano thought viciously.

"With what, tomatoes?" he responded sarcastically. Meanwhile, Madam Pomfrey was looking on as if she was watching a ping-pong match, which in a way, he supposed it was. Only with words instead of a ball. And it was clear to see who was the winning side.

"No… it was the lemon drops!"

"What the hell?"

Spain leaned forward and said in a stage-whisper, "I think they were drugged. Stay away from them, okay?" Romano just sighed loudly and rubbed his fingers against his temples. Thankfully, Spain didn't infect him with his stupidness while raising him. Something he thanked God for every day.

"For the love of God, you're a Na- I mean, you're not _that_ stupid, how could you not know it was drugged?" What Romano really wanted to say was _You're a Nation, you've been in wars, you should know better than to trust creepy old men handing out candy. Especially after the incident with France._

"He had a bird that was on fire!" Spain exclaimed. Madam Pomfrey, at this point, was starting to move away and tend to other patients. (Apparently, Hogwarts were full of hazards that stupid children got tangled up in. And an occasional teacher, judging from a familiar-looking blond man sitting on a bed.)

Romano gave him a funny look. "Uh-huh, sure," he said disbelievingly. _Where does he even get his excuses from?_ he thought as Spain wailed "It's true! Honest!" Romano suddenly groaned when he realized that he would have to explain to every student why he wasn't a pint-sized midget anymore. Romano buried his face in his hands. "What's going to happen to Italy?" he moaned.

"What about your brother?"

"Not Italy the personification, Italy the country! I left South Italy to Veneziano because I thought I would be only gone for a week or two! Our country. Is. Ruined. Gone to the dogs."

"Surely he can't be that bad, he _is_ a Nation," Spain reasoned after checking no one was listening.

"He's crap at paperwork; he doodles on the margins, actually writes out his verbal tic on political agreements, and gets off topic. Look, here's one that I had to edit." Romano shuffled through his bag which he had brought with him and pulled out a packet of papers. He cleared his throat and started to read. "'I think it's a great idea to strengthen relationships between Italy and America! It's always nice to have more friends! Did you know that just last week, Germany, Japan, and I had a sleepover? It was tons of fun! Japan snuck in some canned tuna and was eating that for a while, though. Guess he's not much of a fan of Italian food, too bad~ Speaking of food, maybe I should lend you some chefs over in America. Your pasta isn't that good… But it's alright, everyone has their own strengths and I guess cooking isn't one of them? Ve~!"' And the rest follows along those lines," Romano concluded. "I'm going to have to write Veneziano and tell him to send the paperwork to me."

"I think that would be best," the other Nation agreed readily.

* * *

The Golden Trio walked into the History of Magic's classroom, fully intent on discovering what the Chamber of Secrets was. What they didn't expect, however, was a young man who looked eerily similar to Lovino scribbling away on some papers. Binns and Antonio were acting like nothing was amiss while the rest of the class blatantly stared. The man (who Harry mentally dubbed as Curly) looked up and snarled, "What the hell are you brats gawking at?"

"I would appreciate it if you would refrain from such language in a classroom, thank you," Binns said airily. Curly just grumbled a "whatever" and returned to writing.

Hermione asked hesitantly, "Are you Lovino?"

Curly looked thoughtful. "You know, you're the only one who guessed correctly. Yeah, I am, what about it?"

"Why're you _old_?" Seamus said incredulously. "You were only up to my waist yesterday!'

"I drank a deaging potion by accident," Lovino snapped. "Now shut up and let me work!" The rest of the class flinched at his harsh tone and turned around.

"I thought PMS was only for women," Ron whispered to Harry.

"I heard that!"

Thanks to the unexpected event, Hermione completely forgot to ask her question about the Chamber of Secrets during class. As days passed on and nothing else happened that was out of the ordinary (well, there _was_ that incident when Antonio started spreading his "cheering charm", but…), the Golden Trio dropped the matter. Which was probably for the best, they would've wound up getting themselves killed at what they were messing around with. _To be honest,_ Harry thought to himself, _I'm still getting used to this whole wizarding business. Just a year ago, I was cramped inside of a dusty old cupboard without any hope of escaping from the Dursleys._ Hermione thought along the same lines as well.

Excluding the cupboard part and the Dursleys, of course.


	8. Chapter 8

It was a normal breakfast at Hogwarts (well, as normal as a breakfast at a _magic_ school can get) when an eagle flew in along with the owls. Hermione whispered, " _Oh my god, that's a bald eagle! What is it doing in Scotland?"_ while Ron and Harry gaped along with the rest of the students. They were doing a lot of that this year, Harry thought. It _was_ quite a strange year, after all.

The eagle let out a piercing cry and settled on the grown-up Lovino's head (which Harry still couldn't wrap his head around). "Ow!" Lovino yelped. "Get your claws out of my hair! A-and that's my curl! Stop it!" For some reason, he seemed to be flushing a bright red.

"I think that's Liberty, Alfred's bird," Antonio observed, wandering over to untangle the eagle from Lovino's hair. "He has a letter."

"Take it before I kill it with- with fire!" he yelled, whipping out a match.

"Now, now. There shall be none of that. I'm sure that this can be worked out in a peaceful manner," Dumbledore said pleasantly from his seat while ignoring Lovino's cries of, "That over-sized chicken started it first!" The Headmaster waved his wand and freed the eagle when it became clear that Antonio was failing miserably at handling 'Liberty.'

"The letter is from… Arthur and Allistor? Oh, and Alfred as well." Antonio said. He skimmed through the letter and Harry saw that it was nearly five feet in length. _What's so important that they have to write that much?_ "Never mind, I think it's from everybody. See, even what's-his-face wrote."

"You mean Alfred's brother? Wasn't his name… uh…Manny?"

"No, I'm pretty sure it's Cashew. Wait… that's not right..."

"Matthew!"

"Oh, right! It was Matthew - who are we talking about again?"

Ron looked at Harry in confusion. "They don't remember their friend's name?" Harry just shrugged helplessly. At this point, most of the students turned back to their own conversations and meals. Harry took another bite of his treacle tart (his favorite!) and sighed in bliss.

"Oh- Goddammit, they included paperwork! Stupid _fratello_!" he heard Lovino cry out in frustration. Harry noticed Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall exchanging looks for some reason and leaving the Great Hall. He frowned, _where are they going?_

Suddenly, Lovino stilled. "My Veneziano senses are going off," he said lowly. Harry had to strain to hear him. Antonio looked slightly alarmed. There was a tense silence between the two before they let out a sigh of relief. "Believe me, Hogwarts is not ready for him yet. Or the potato bastard; he goes wherever my stupid _fratello_ goes."

"Mate, are you still eavesdropping?" Ron asked exasperatedly, pulling him out of Antonio and Lovino's discussion. "Have a conversation with _us_ instead of listening in like a creeper!"

Harry just laughed sheepishly. "Sorry, mate."

"Yeah. Anyways, did you hear about the Chudley Cannons? I heard that they almost beat another Quidditch team just the other day-" The rest of the morning was spent talking about Quidditch, Quidditch, moaning about professors, and then some more Quidditch.

Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall never came back.

* * *

Romano was currently standing in Dumbledore's office. He cursed at his accurate senses, of course Veneziano was lolling around Hogwarts along with his Axis friends. _Of course._

Dumbledore was somehow still smiling as he delivered the news that his _fratello_ and his friends had "broken" into Hogwarts. _Why isn't he worried at all?_ Romano screamed inwardly before realizing grimly that Dumbledore hadn't ever learned that Veneziano + Adventure = Chaos.

Romano hastily excused himself before breaking into a mad dash. It wasn't too hard finding Veneziano as his loud babbling could probably be heard by Australia and his koala.

"...and did you know, this place also has moving paintings! Isn't that so cool? Back at my house, we don't have things like that. We _do_ have moving _statues_ , though~ They're a bit grumpy, but once you get to know them, they're huge marshmallows!"

"Oh, I see. We have moving paintings as well, but statues…"

"I wonder if you could use those statues as soldiers." Romano grimaced. _It's the potato bastard._

"Oi!" he yelled before they could walk away any further. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

Veneziano turned around and gave a ridiculously big (and definitely not cute!) smile. "I missed you, _fratello!_ It's already been a month, you know."

Romano felt his cheeks flush and started to sputter "S-shut up! Don't try to butter me up! I'm still angry at you!" He glared at the potato bastard who he _knew_ was snickering internally. "Don't laugh!"

"Ah, greetings, Romano-san," Japan said, the only sensible one in the group. "How are you?"

"I would feel better if I actually got some kind of warning that you were coming."

Veneziano tilted his head. "Didn't I write about our visit in the letter?"

Now that Romano thought about it, the word "visit" might've been in that long piece of crap, but it was too bothersome to look through all of it as most of it was just… gossip.

"You know, France and Prussia wanted to come too. They wanted to surprise Spain, I think. But then Prussia remembered some kind of beer-drinking contest," Veneziano said.

"Then why aren't you there, potato bastard? Last time I checked, you guzzle at least three bottles in one day." _It isn't actually that rude of a question if it's true, right?_ Romano reasoned. _Not that I care about being polite to him._

The potato bastard looked a bit uncomfortable. "Italy begged me to go with him to Hogwarts, so I couldn't." (read: I couldn't because Italy's puppy-eyes are too damn convincing and I would feel guilty if I didn't go.) Romano actually felt some pity for- no! Nope, no pity, no sense of empathy whatsoever! Romano discreetly pinched the back of his hand for good measure.

Suddenly, he heard a rumble fill the hallways.

"Are you… hungry, by any chance?" Romano ventured.

"Is there any pasta here?" Veneziano asked pleadingly, his hand on his stomach.

"The house elves can make anything if you give them the recipe; I'll show you where the kitchen is. Don't get me wrong, it's not because I like you or anything! It's just that you'll nag at me forever if I don't."

"We appreciate your thoughtfulness, Romano-san," Japan said, smiling knowingly.

 _Goddammit, it's like he can read minds!_


	9. Chapter 9

"Say, you're not…staying here for a long time, right?" Romano asked, dreading a positive response.

Veneziano pouted. "No," he said disappointedly. "I still have to attend World Conferences, so I can't stay long. Oh! That reminds me, this came in the mail for you from Sig. Mattarella." The auburn-haired man handed over a manilla envelope. Romano took it carefully. _Please let this not be more work for me to do or I swear I will do something violent._

"There's nothing in it," Romano said flatly. He turned it upside down and shook. A piece of fuzz drifted onto the ground.

Veneziano blinked. "Huh? Maybe it fell out..?" he muttered. The potato bastard sighed loudly into his hand while Japan twitched nervously. "Italy-san, didn't you say that the contents were very important?"

"Yeah, I sure did! Why?" Veneziano was promptly smacked on the head by Romano who cried out, "You are _such_ an idiot!"

"Why don't we split up in groups of two and look for it?" Japan suggested, responsible as always. Romano immediately shifted next to the Asian Nation. He tried sending a message through his eyes along the lines of, _Please don't leave me alone with them!_ It turned out Romano had nothing to fear because Veneziano had latched onto the potato bastard.

"If you see Spain, tell him to look for...what was in there anyways?"

Veneziano looked unsure. "Something hard and heavy?" he said weakly.

Did Romano mention how much he wanted to punch Veneziano at times?

* * *

Harry and Ron were wandering around Hogwarts. There were no classes today because it was Saturday, an off day from the torture known as school. _At least they have interesting subjects,_ Harry thought. _Muggle school is absolutely terrible!_ Indeed, Harry could remember the days where he spent eight hours sitting at a desk, only allowed to get up for bathroom breaks and lunch. _I'm so glad that I'm at Hogwarts._ Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Lovino dilly-dallying with a tall blond man. "Who's that?" Harry whispered. Ron shrugged. _Fat load of help_ he _is._

"Just go up and ask," Ron suggested. "It's not like he can take away points for bothering him or anything."

"I guess," Harry said. Nevertheless, he went up to Lovino and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Oh, hello~! Do you need anything?" a decidedly _not_ Lovino said cheerfully. On closer look, Not-Lovino had a more reddish-tint to his hair and that smile definitely wasn't Lovino.

"U-uh, sorry, I thought you were someone else," Harry stuttered awkwardly. He stared at his feet, trying not to meet their gaze as his face flushed from embarrassment.

"Did you think Feliciano was Lovino, by any chance?" the blond man asked with a strong accent. "They're siblings, it's understandable that you mix them up."

"Oh, Lovino has siblings?" Harry always had taken Lovino for an only child. Probably because he never asked otherwise.

"Yup! I'm Feliciano, and this is...um, Ludwig! Hey, is that your friend over there?" Feliciano pointed to Ron who had been hanging off to the side, looking very uncomfortable. Harry nodded. "It's nice to have friends, isn't it?" he said wistfully.

"Yeah," said Harry. "I know."

"Oh! Did you see something about this big and kind of heavy-looking?" Harry and Ron looked at the Italian man blankly.

"That...can be used to describe about sixty-percent of the things in Hogwarts," Harry said carefully. "Can you be more specific?"

"No, because this idiot lost it and doesn't even know what it looks like," Ludwig scowled.

"Ve~ I said I was sorry!" Feliciano whined.

"Is it important?" Ron asked.

"Very," Ludwig said gravely.

Well. That wasn't good. At times like this, Harry wished that he had some kind of device that let him find anything in the castle quickly. Actually, this _was_ a magic school. Shouldn't there be some kind of summoning charm? Harry whispered his thoughts to Ron. "A summoning charm? Yeah, there's something like that. It's called _Accio_ , but it's a fourth-year spell. We're not going to learn it for another two years."

"Ah! The summoning charm!" Feliciano cried out. "I know it!"

Ludwig turned around to stare at him. "You do? Well, use it!"

Feliciano dug through his pockets in his strange military outfit. "Not here, not here, is it this one? Nope-ah! Here's my wand!" He pulled out a wand which Harry had no idea how it fit. _Probably magic,_ Harry thought wryly. _That seems to be the answer to everything._ "Nine inches, made out of willow and the core of a phoenix! I brought it just in case, since I was going to a magic school!" Feliciano said brightly. " _Accio_ important book thingy that was in the envelope!"

"Will that really work?" Ron said doubtfully. Three seconds later, a book zoomed through the hallways and dropped into Feliciano's hands. Harry shot Ron a Look. "Guess it did."

"Yay! Now I won't get killed!" he said, sounding way too happy considering what just came out of his mouth. Ludwig sighed in relief and patted Feliciano on the shoulder briefly.

"We need to meet up with Ja-Kiku and Lovino." the German man said. "No need to send them on a goose-chase for any longer."

At that moment, Lovino came hurtling down the hallways, screaming something about potatoes and bastards. An Asian-looking man trailed behind him, apologizing to every student who looked on. When Lovino glimpsed the book in Feliciano's hands, he skidded to a stop. "You found it? Well, what is it?" he demanded impatiently.

"Here you go, _fratello_." Feliciano handed the heavy book off to Lovino.

Lovino squinted at the title, bringing it closer up to his face. " _Fun Hexes to Cast on Your Friends_..? Are you sure this is the right book? Or… This is from his kids, isn't it."

"I told you that, didn't I? It was from Sig. Mattarella!"

Lovino breathed out heavily from his nose. "Next time, why don't you signify which Sig. Mattarella you're talking about or else _I will castrate you and spread your blood on my toast._ " He sighed again and rubbed his temples. "Just...go before I actually hurt one of you bastards."

Feliciano looked overjoyed. "So you _do_ care!"

"Shut up! Go away!" he yelled, blushing to the tips of his ears. He turned to look at Harry and Ron who had let out a few snickers. "You too!"

"Bye~!" Feliciano waved frantically. "See you soon!"

"Let's go, Feli," Ludwig muttered. He dragged the shorter man while Feliciano continued on flapping his arms like a newborn chick learning how to fly. The other man, the one with black hair, walked silently along with them. _Who is he?_ Harry thought curiously.

"Good riddance," Harry heard as he and Ron skittered away from Lovino's ire.

 _Thank Merlin I'm an only child, now I feel really bad for Ron._


	10. Chapter 10

The week passed by like a blur, filled with fun and inevitable craziness. Just the other day, the Weasley twins pulled a prank that no one was excluded from. At the end of the day, everyone was used to seeing each other with lions roaring from thick hair and polka-dots decorating faces. Thankfully, it only lasted two days. Harry was so caught up in the madness that he had forgotten one very important thing.

The Chamber of Secrets.

Harry was harshly reminded of this when Colin Creevy was discovered Petrified with a camera in an unmoving, pale hand.

"We have to do something," Hermione said grimly. "Or else Hogwarts is doomed."

"The library?" Harry asked with dread. Don't get him wrong, he was perfectly fine with the occasional book, but there was no doubt that Hermione would make him research about what was going on thoroughly. Which meant no skipping pages or dozing off.

"The library," the girl confirmed. Ron groaned at the thought of reading for what was bound to be many tedious hours _._ Harry hid a vengeful smirk with his hand. _If I'm going down, I'm going to drag you down with me._

"What should we look for?" Harry asked, wiping his smirk off his face as he brought his hand down. Hermione looked thoughtful before ordering them to look for anything relating to petrification and the Chamber of Secrets. Fifteen minutes later, the only thing that could be heard were quiet sounds of breathing and flipping pages, with the occasional _thud_ of Ron slamming down his head on the table.

"Oh, I can't _find_ it!" Hermione suddenly cried in distress.

"What?"

"I remember reading about the Chamber of Secrets, but I didn't pay too much attention to it because it was labeled as a legend!" she wailed.

"Hey," Ron said hesitantly, "remember when we were going to ask Binns, but we totally forgot about it?" The other two members of the Golden Trio just stared at him. "You know, Hermione thought that he might know since, well, he's the History of Magic's professor and all, even if he's a boring old ghost."

"For once, you actually said something smart," Hermione said. Ignoring Ron's indignant yelp, she began to stand up. "Maybe we can catch him before dinner!"

"I wouldn't bother if I were you," said a familiar voice out of nowhere. Antonio smiled at them, peeking out from a bookshelf. "After classes, he kind of… how do I put it? He...shuts down."

"Huh?"

"He floats around doing nothing and doesn't respond at all if you talk to him," he elaborated. Hermione drooped visibly. _I knew it wouldn't be that easy,_ Harry thought disappointedly. He perked up when he heard the next sentence. "I could probably help you out, I am his assistant."

"Unless you know something about the Chamber of Secrets, then you probably wouldn't help at all," Ron moaned, slumped over a thick book.

"I do, in fact," Antonio said, still smiling. "Would you like to know?"

 _What._

"Yes, please!" Hermione eagerly said.

"It goes like this; the Chamber of Secrets- well, I should probably start from the very beginning. The four Hogwarts founders, Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff-"

"Wait, those were actually their last names?" Ron interrupted loudly. "What kind of family has _Hufflepuff_ for a last name?"

"-Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin," he continued without acknowledging Ron's outburst. "built Hogwarts over a thousand years ago. As years went by, a rift was formed between Slytherin and the rest because of their different ideals. Salazar wanted the school to be more selective in their students. By that I mean he didn't want muggleborns in the castle."

"That's stupid!" Harry said. "Why should muggleborns not be allowed to learn magic too!"

"Slimy snakes," Ron added with a fierce scowl.

"Look at it this way, Salazar was raised in a pureblood family. He was brought up with different outtakes in the world than you. So you can't immediately say he's a slimy snake _._ Anyways, there was a serious argument between Godric and Salazar about the subject, and so Salazar left the castle shortly after. What the other founders didn't know was that Salazar had built a secret chamber, otherwise known as the Chamber of Secrets. Before he left, Salazar sealed the Chamber of Secrets so that no one could open it until his true heir arrived. Only the heir would be able to unseal it and be able to purge the school of all those who are unworthy to handle magic with what it holds within, according to Salazar."

Hermione looked a little shaken, being a muggleborn herself, but she asked, "What...it holds within?"

"A basilisk," Antonio said bluntly.

"What's that?" Harry asked.

"Oh, only a fifty-foot long snake that can kill you with a single glance," Antonio said. "Cool, isn't it? Maybe I'll ask Arthur for one...Coincidentally, he's the one who told me about the four Hogwarts founders. Would you like to meet him?" Antonio noticed the pale looks on the Golden Trio's faces. "You know what, why don't you guys go back to your dorms and calm down a bit."

"A _fifty-foot long snake?"_ Harry squeaked higher than a boy was supposed to be capable of. He looked at his shaky hand. "We're doomed." Ron and Hermione nodded quietly in agreement. _Actually, the fact that they're agreeing with each other is probably more terrifying,_ Harry thought distractedly.

"No, seriously, get back to your dorms. Lovino's going to kill me if he finds out I traumatized a bunch of kids. Here, have some chocolate." He fished out three bars of chocolate from his robe pockets. "I have plenty to go around. I would say stay out of trouble but that's obviously not going to happen, so stay safe! _A_ _diós!"_

"Isn't he from Spain? How does he know so much about the history of Scotland?" Ron wondered.

Hermione sighed. "Ron, he's the History of Magic's professor's assistant. Of course he knows about it! Besides, didn't you hear him say that "Arthur" told him?"

"Forget about this Arthur, what are we going to do?" Harry panicked. "How are we supposed to go up against something that we can't even look at?"

"Calm down!" Hermione said sharply. "We can figure this out. First off, if it really is a basilisk, then why did Mrs. Norris and Colin get Petrified and not killed?" They sat in silence for a little while, thinking it over. When roughly ten minutes passed, Hermione (their resident genius) suddenly spoke up. "They didn't look directly at it."

"Huh?"

"Colin probably looked at it through his camera, so he didn't look at it directly," she explained.

"What about Mrs. Norris?" Ron asked curiously. "It's not like a cat can carry around a mirror with it or something."

"No, but she looked at it through a puddle, you remember the one outside the bathroom?"

"Yeah," Harry said. "But here's something I don't get; if Antonio figured it out, why didn't he tell Dumbledore? It's not like Dumbledore would just stand there and do nothing if he gets told there's a dangerous creature in his school, right?" Ron and Hermione nodded. They looked perplexed, and Harry imagined that he was mirroring their expression. He then added, "I just realized that Hogwarts isn't very safe, is it?"

"What do you mean? Everybody says that Hogwarts is one of the safest places in Great Britain!" Ron argued.

"Last year, an angry troll and Voldemort got in," he retorted. "This year, we find out that a basilisk is slithering around here wanting to ea- oh, I guess that's what the voice was."

"The voice?"

"You know, the one that kept on going about how it was hungry and stuff? After Antonio's detention?"

"Oh," Ron said, realization dawning upon him. "Yeah. That. So you weren't going crazy after all…"

"Gee, nice to how much faith you put in me," Harry inputted sarcastically.

"Oh, break it up, you two!"

* * *

Spain was a ditz. He knew that. It was a fact universally acknowledged. He also wasn't a complete idiot. None of the Nations were, they all had survived countless wars. It was pretty much impossible not to pick up skills such as tactics and fighting. So when Spain casually dropped the bomb that _yes, there is a basilisk in your supposedly impenetrable magic castle,_ he knew that he was about to get into a shit-load of trouble.

All Nations knew the thoughts of their people. Over time, they learned to tune it out. But when something very, very startling happened to one of their citizens, the Nation picked it up immediately. And given that instead of one, the startling thing happened to three at the same time, it was amplified. Which...probably meant England was going to give him a call. Nevermind the fact that electricity didn't work in Hogwarts, he would make it happen.

Somehow.

 _I am sooo dead,_ Spain moaned internally while banging his head against the nearest stone wall. He gathered a few odd looks from the students in the hall, but at the moment he could care less.

The next day, a Howler came.

* * *

At this point in life, a peaceful morning at Hogwarts was something that Harry knew could never happen. So when a bright red letter was dropped into Antonio's lap by an owl, he only sighed and put down his fork and waited for the show to begin


	11. Chapter 11

"YOU ARE A DEAD MAN WALKING, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO," the letter shrieked in front of Spain's horrified face. "AFTER I'M DONE WITH YOU, NOT EVEN ROMANO WILL BE ABLE TO SAVE YOUR SORRY HIDE, YOU-" England's voice broke off into a large string of expletives, progressively getting louder with each word. The first and second-years looked like a pan was dropped on their heads, hands firmly clamped against their ears (not like that would help.)

"Iggy?" a distant voice called in the background of the Howler. "Did you lock yourself in the closet again?"

"NO, YOU IDIOTIC SOD, THAT WAS ONE TIME! AND BUGGER OFF!"

"Geez, sheesh, mood swings much?" said America whose voice got softer as he presumably walked away.

"BY THE TIME YOU GET THIS HOWLER, I'LL PROBABLY BE AT HOGWARTS READY TO CASTRATE YOU. HOPE YOU HAVE A HEALING POTION READY."

All the students of Hogwarts looked expectantly at the doors. A few seconds ticked by before a loud knock resounded. "Hello?"

"Oh, we're getting many international visitors these days, aren't we?" Dumbledore chuckled before waving his wand to open the doors.

"Not as international as you think, Arthur's British," Romano muttered. Spain slid down his seat like jelly and took refuge under the table. "What are you _doing?_ You're a grown man!"

"Shh," Spain shushed. "No one needs to know I'm here. And besides, you're scared of him too!"

"That's because he was trying to attack me and Veneziano!" Romano whispered back fiercely.

"How are you doing, Arthur?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly to England. "It's been a long time since you've dropped by."

"I'll be just dandy as soon as I see Spain go down in ashes," England said just as pleasantly. "Where is Antonio? The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can get back to my morning tea. Romano?"

Romano squeaked in fright before pointing a shaky finger to the table. "T-there! If you don't mind, I'm going to excuse myself…" He started backing away from England and broke out into a full-speed dash, rocketing out the Great Hall as if fire was licking his heels. England looked mildly smug as a voice wailed under the table, "How could you betray me like that! I raised you and fed you tomatoes and _this_ is what I get?"

"You mess with my children and you mess with me, got it?" England hissed darkly into his ear after harshly yanking him out. "You of all people should know how sensitive children are. Next time, don't tell them so bluntly about something that can potentially kill them and the entire school! Understood?"

"Yes," Spain said meekly.

"Good," England said serenely. "Now, if anyone would be kind enough to fetch me some tea?"

* * *

"Doesn't that bloke...look familiar to you?" Ron murmured thoughtfully. He shoved some chicken into his mouth and then said, "I feesh rike I've sheen him befwosh."

"What?" Hermione said, disgusted at the food spewing out of his mouth. "Honestly, Ron, did your mother ever teach you any manners?"

Ron swallowed and grinned boyishly. "Yeah, doesn't mean I listen."

"He does seem familiar, doesn't he?" Harry said, one of the only people who could understand Ron's gibberish. "Like I've known him for a really long time and his name is on the tip of my tongue. That kind of feeling."

"Strange, I feel the same," Hermione muttered. "What are the chances that we all seen him before?"

"Maybe he's part of the Ministry?" Ron suggested. "Then we probably saw him in the newspapers or something."

"Maybe," Hermione said, unconvinced. Harry could practically hear the cogs and gears turning in her head as she stared at the blond man intently.

Harry felt bad for the poor bloke.

* * *

"The Heir of Slytherin?" England echoed. "Well, of course I know who it is."

Spain looked up eagerly. "Who is it?"

"Can't tell you."

"Eh? Why not?"

England rubbed his fingers against his temples. "Believe me, I want to get this over with as quickly as possible, but I'm not allowed to interfere with what's going on here. You can since you're _Spain_. You don't know everything that's going on here like I do. It's...complicated." Spain groaned. _Guess he's useless._ "You might want to keep an eye on Harry, though. He and his friends seem to be getting all the wrong conclusions."

"Alright," Spain said.

"Where's Romano, by the way? I didn't think he would still be scared of me after all this time…"

"It wasn't _that_ long ago," Spain pointed out. "I think he's back in his room. Or at least that's the direction he was running."

* * *

Romano sneezed suddenly while stuffing tomatoes in his mouth. "Stupid Spain and the tea bastard must be talking about me… If they're talking trash behind my back, I'm going to show them why you don't mess around with Italy," he said darkly.


End file.
